Keltie Knight's Blog
I've been expirencing a super weird week, and this super odd feeling and hyper self-awareness that comes with being on television. It's really hard to talk about because, th first thing everyone will say is...please shut up your job is the coolest...and yes of course, I love it. But, I think we ALL, more so women pick on ourselves, on our physical flaws and point out and think about what we can change and manipulate because it is easier to control the outcome and the change is noticeable quicker. It is the easier problem to solve than to have to seek, examine, resolve what is really ailing the soul. It becomes habitual because our culture teaches this to us. It's so bizarre to me that we live in a world where our own reflection becomes our enermy.
My friend Sharon at work had some interesting advice: "I wanted to share with you that when I start feeling hyper-aware or feeling like I need to get super charged about the way I look, i know i am distracting myself from either my goal that isnt going as planned or going as quickly...or i am feeling out of control about another situation there is simply no control to have over ( i remind myself, which is most things in life... except how i choose to perceive) As soon as I start back onto my task or deal with the feeling, I don't feel so fat...or whatever negative feeling I have at that moment. I am not saying I don't do it all anymore because I do--sometimes I catch my behavior quickly, sometimes slower..."
That's so true, have you ever noticed how after a long walk, a good visit with a friend or a great yoga class you feel really "pretty"? And when things are super stressful and terrible, our clothes don't fit and we hate our hair? It's a strange thing. It is stressful when one feels like they are somewhat at the mercy of others opinions. It makes a person start to question themselves.
Sharon also said this to me, which I will NEVER FORGET. "You are in a career spurt and you are also determined to make it happen. There is so much hope, potential, and opportunity buzzing about and I am sure you are concerned about making the right and wrong moves. Stay on target and keep on what YOU want...don't let these notions of feeling like you are less confident for whatever the reason get to you. Surrendering one's security is part of growth and change. Don't confuse the unsettling feeling of growth for de-evolving into a less confident person."
I'm sure that in this new year, all of you have been working hard on new goals and living as greatly as possible. I guess I just wrote this to see if anyone else ever feels this way? Sometimes I hate myself so much that I can barely get out of bed, I isolate myself from my friends and loved ones and I try to hide out until the feeling passes. You?
Let me know on my twitter or instagram. And do not forget that my brand new book "The Imperfections of James and Kate" is now available HERE. (If you really want to know about imperfections...it's a great read.)
This morning I was interviewing Chris Harrison about love. Seems this guy would know the most about love...20 seasons of The Bachelor would make you an expert, right?
I got thinking about our search for love, and how we do the craziest things for acceptable and companionship. All around us, dating sites, tv shows, set ups...for one sole purpose...to fall in love. However, so many of these things have such a negative stigma. I’ve online dated, my friend is online dating and so are millions of other people...and yet...it’s embarrassing to admit that you are on match.com, right? It’s okay to be set up by a friend, but not by an online compatibility test. Serious double standard.
Look at the TV shows...sure The Bachelor fails more than it succeeds, but it has worked out. People have fallen in love, even gotten married. It works for some people.
Before I was married, I met people online, over social media...at events, at concerts...and for me...none of them turned out to be the one...but eventually AT WORK I met my person.
I guess, I just wanted to give a big dose of “you’ll get there” to you guys today. Don’t be embarrassed or afraid of your path to love. It’s different for everyone. We shouldn’t belittle others, or judge them if there path is meeting someone off a tweetchat about “scandal” or if it’s skydiving out of a plane. Love really is one of the greatest mysteries of our lives...and that’s what makes it so elusive and powerful.
Just keep going and know that the universe is seriously unfolding as it should. Like the song says "You Can't Hurry Love" and it's true. But I really believe that you should put yourself out there as much as possible. Love will come. I promise.
GUYS! I am so excited because my new book- 'The Imperfections of James and Kate" is now out! You can purchase it at www.deadxstop.com --and I am just soooooo proud!
I wanted to share a special snippet of the book with you. I hope you love James and Kate as much as I do. I worked so hard on this book for the last 2 years...and I am beyond proud. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
"It’s really the way love works. We all fall into this magical perfect version of love with the other person, and then our minds become giant ice picks, chipping away every day, little by little, at the rock solid perfection we were so sure about. I was never surprised to see the magazine covers at the grocery store show the latest celebrity couple break up after their “whirlwind” romance and wedding, because you can’t know someone wholly in six weeks. It was always more surprising when I heard about long-term friends of the family calling it quits on their marriages, after years and years together. I guess after 30 years of chipping away at any person, you eventually come across something you can’t stand and would rather live without. I was torn because I wanted to be the most perfect version of myself for James when I saw him, and at the same time, I wanted to be the ugliest version too. I was so over love that I wanted to see if our dirty pieces matched. I couldn’t stand the thought of another “perfect” love turning sour. I knew it was too early to call it love. I knew myself well enough to know that it should have been labeled “desperate infatuation.”
My new book "The Imperfections of James and Kate" comes out on on friday- Valentine's Day! It's a love story, about two people, and their group of crazy friends and crazier dreams, who fall into eachother's lives and into a tangled, messy, emotionally crazy relationship (sound familiar?)
These characters are so real to us. The cool thing is the the book is actually a "he said, she said" where I wrote one chapter as "Kate" and then my writing partner Chris wrote one chapter as "James." It really gives you an authentic look at the inside of both male and females minds in a relationship. That's what I love the most. We've all been in bad relationships, we've all been in good loves that turn bad, we've been in bad loves that turn good, we've had crazy friends save us, and people leave us, and we've had our heart broken so badly that we become numb. That is what this book is about. It's about the human condition and how we love.
We started this book about a year and half ago as an experiment to see if we could write a book without knowing the plot. We knew we wanted to make something that neither of us had any idea where it was going, much like it is in a real relationship. I would write a chapter, and throw a giant curveball in Kate's character, and then Chris would have to learn and try to understand what Kate was doing, and write the reaction to that character and move the story forward. It felt the same as a real relationship, we jumped in head first not sure if it would be a happy ending. To me this book feels very real, even though the story is made-up, I see so much of myself in Kate, and I've certainly had my share of James's in my life.
I hope that this book touches you the same way my first book, Rockettes, Rockstars and Rockbottom did. it's full of quotable magic just like RRR, and it's def a book people can relate too. Our editor wrote me late one night during that process about how much she loved them and wanted them both to be happy.
I wanted to share one of my favorite passages from the book:
There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but I stopped myself. I was a typical, messed up desperate woman. I didn’t care where he was anymore. He was here. He looked for me. I talked myself out of the fact that he might have looked for me after a late night with someone else, and I trusted him because I was an idiot and I loved to trust people when they did nothing to deserve my trust. I wanted to ask him what happened, where he went, why he ditched me, which version of him was the real him, but I just stood there. Sometimes it’s better not to ask.
In honor of the book coming out Chris and I are doing a massive Valentine's day tinychat with all of you, we are going to talk about the book, and answer questions and read our favorite parts- we hope you will join us!
The Imperfections of James and Kate will be available on deadxstop.com on 2/14/2014- and we have special gifts for the first people who buy! PLUS, I'll be doing giveaways on my socials all week so follow along! xx
honest life advice: part one
- look around you. if anyone in your inner circle is still doing drugs and pretending they are “cool” and not for good reasons like getting on an airplane or to cure their cancer then get them outta your life
- when your friends ask you to go somewhere that involves you putting your face in the sun and getting freckles, what they are really asking you to do is to get AGE SPOTS and look older than them. sunscreen guys. always.
- when a dude you barely know asks you to send nude photos to them on snapchat, just remember SCREENGRAB. see also: when you get famous everyone will see you naked, so don’t.
- don’t cut your own bangs. don’t do it. even if you are really crafty.
- whenever you want to buy something and you don’t have the money for it, remember -18% interest on shoes from ALDO that are probably worth .12 in china where they were made. not worth it.
- if you cannot afford a chanel jacket just buy a chanel pin and wear it on the jacket (miley cyrus told me this and I trust miley cyrus)
- you gotta look close to see if you have a mustache, and chances are you do so make sure to take care of that ladies!
- it’s always better to say nothing then always be talking and saying lame stuff. save all your words until something really epic comes out.
- the world isn’t fair so stop using that as excuse as to why you are so upset. WHYYY MEEEEEEEE?
- when you think you are working hard at something, work about 75% harder and then that will be almost good enough.
- please stop making Instagram accounts for your dog and then speaking in your dog’s voice. this is why you are single. just talk in your dogs voice on your own instagram page and OWN that crazy, girl!
- if you auto link your instagram and your twitter to your facebook page but also link your instagram to your twitter, everyone is seeing the picture of you that no one really cared about to begin with TWICE, this is why you have 6 followers. Don’t be lazy. Post it all for real.
- when you say you have a blog but the only person who reads your blog is you and your mom, you don’t have a blog you have a mom. not everyone needs to have a blog. except me, and lauren conrad.
- the dollar store is heaven, and never be too embarrassed to go in there. use all those dollars you save on toilet paper, envelopes, dish soap and wrapping paper to buy some fierce shoes. (and then WEAR those firece shoes to the dollar store!)
- if you are seriously waiting the “appropriate” time before texting someone back, UGH WHY?????? life is confusing enough without this stupid game of text back times! Just text back, or better yet, just be so busy that you are not on your damn phone every 5 seconds.
- never be embarrassed of your selfies. only be embarrassed of the fact that gwen stefani also does selfies and she’s hotter AND cooler than you.
just a few things to keep you on track this month, more in march!
ps. Make sure to follow me on my socails!
Last week I had a pretty epic text-a-thon with my friend Jade. She's the sort of magical unicorn I wish all of you could have. Insanely smart + creative, with the self-confidence to just love the things she loves no matter what people think. Anyways, I wanted to blog about a conversation that we had regarding love and dreams and life....
It's like a superhero with too much strength.
I was talking about wishing that I could stop loving people from my past. I'm so happy in my life. I have a great guy. He's my everything, but on fFacebook or whatever, I can't help getting pangs when a past love pops up, no matter from when!
I'm still in love with every boy I've ever loved because they are as grand to me as the ideas I manifested about them that they could never live up to.
you and me, we write better stories and are inspired more than most- we see music and movies and art in a deeper way than other people and draw from that to create a wonderland around us. You can't ever say everything happens for a reason at the beginning of the book before the rest is written, but you can say that at the end once all effects have happened because of something else. The future is the reason of the past, not vice versa. We as humans like to romanticize this idea.
I was talking about how it's a struggle for me in my life to cut people out, even when they have been bad to me, as friends and as lovers. I just care so much, I hate confrontation.
The biggest thing you ever did was to break your own heart and get out and see the world, it's also the greatest move you ever made. You cannot have joy without the pain first.
People like you and I will always be so successful in life while our relationships are totally fucked because our best qualities that make us successful also build us up to thinking we can achieve anything- yet the only thing we can't control is other people.
It's this fucked up cycle, I swear by the secret- but the thing I've never accepted about that concept is that you can't make someone love you the way you want them to.
So... you continue to love and care, and you want someone so bad and you use the same practicies and principles you used to get the gig and the jobs and the opportunites. You envision what you want. You focus on it. You Believe... but unlike the rest of the world, you can't actually change what's happening in someone else's heart, no matter how much you believe it.
People like you and I have to be so careful because our minds and our hearts are so powerful that when something doesn't come out exactly as we wished we will kill ourseleves over the perfect idea that we have created in our heads.
I've loved every boy that ever loved me. Period. And the reality is that I can't convince myself to believe anymore that any scenario will be any different.
What do YOU think? Will you always love your pasts, or do you think you ever really get over that you wouldn't make it "work?" Tell me on my socials below:
“it didn’t feel like an obstacle, it felt like a wall.” - Nicki Bluhm
This quote is everything. Nicki is talking about how when she wanted to take her music on the road, she was so scared of it. She knew it was her dream, but there seemed to be so many things holding her back.
The number one question I get asked is, how do you follow your dreams? It seems easy right? You decide what you want to be and then you go after it. But, it really isn’t like that. How do you support yourself, how do you get your foot in the door, what do you do when you are rejected? I said just today in my ustream, that the only think I think you can ever regret in life is NOT following your dreams. I hate the idea of years from now, wishing I had chased a dream I had. I would rather regret making a huge mistake then regret NOT putting myself out there.
I came across this video by Nicki Bluhm and the Gamblers and I was really inspired and I hope it inspires you too. Not only is the music super incredible (psst. check out the song Carousel) but I believe we all have a dream and we all have passions and I hope you chase after them with all that you have no matter what obstacle the universe throws in your way.
I want to hear about YOUR dreams! What are you passionate about? Were you inspired like I was by Nicki Bluhm and the Gamblers?
Share YOUR dream here and you can get a free download from Nicki Bluhm and the Gamblers
I just spent all morning putting the final touches on the writing for my second book. Big annoucements will be coming soon. I am excited to share this journey with you all. I've been working on this book for a long time, and it's a story and a cast of characters that I care so much about.
I had a pretty emo weekend. I worked a bunch of days in a row, long days, and sort of wore myself out. Then Swoon was packing up and leaving me to head to his climb on mount everest. Him packing up and leaving really toyed with my fear of being abandoned. I still carry that fear with me, everyday. That fear that I will wake up and everything I have known will be a lie and be gone. So to send off my new husband to a crazy adventure and have a empty house, really made me more emotional then I thought it would.
That actually was perfect timing because I got to do most of my finishes on the book. I've been working on this story for over a year, and it's strange how sometimes words that I wrote pop back out at me. I really think liking yourself is the hardest challenge you can face. Being okay with who you are on the inside is impossible somedays. I wanted to share this passage, one of my favorites:
"Only, that wasn’t exactly what happened. Every day I would wake up and all the most beautiful things I actually liked about myself would become less and less. I felt an incredibly heavy nameless weight place itself on every inch of me. My legs were heavier, my thoughts even more so. I walked along the streets, the subways, looking into every single person’s eyes, waiting for the moment when they would realize that they were standing next to someone who was special. They never did.
So, I started chasing things. I chased beauty. The outer kind, where no matter how much you colored your hair, it never actually became any more beautiful. I chased notoriety by becoming infamous for things like flashing my boobs at rock shows, yelling stories at strangers and puking in my shoes at parties. Most detrimental to my soul, I started chasing love. Of course, I had no idea what love was. I assumed it involved convincing someone else that you were desirable, and then you spent every moment trying to make sure they didn’t see through your skin to the truth. It involved sending half-naked photos to almost strangers, trying to appear sexier than I was. I played games and would cat and mouse myself around truths. I was careless. I was obsessive. It was all a big game. I set alarms for when I was “allowed” to respond to my loves’ late night messages. I would say, “I don’t care,” when every part of me cared. "
Yesterday humanity lost a true leader, Nelson Mandela was born in 1918. Think of how much change he saw in the world his lifetime, a lifetime where a third of it was spent in prison. He received over 250 honors in his life including a nobel peace prize. You could never sum up what Mandela accomplished in his life, or where his legacy beings or ends.... but I feel happy that he left this world with one of my favorite quotes of all time.
“It seems impossible until it’s done.” - Nelson Mandela
He was right. Everything seems impossible until it’s done. Forgiveness, losing the weight, finishing the project, cliff jumping, giving birth, making up with an enemy, beating cancer, changing the course of a civil war, falling in love, saving up for the car, growing out your bangs, finishing a marathon, being a good human. The list is endless.
My point is, it’s all hard, it’s all scary, it’s all exhausting, it’s all hard, it’s ALL impossible.
Until it’s done.
People, all around you, are doing the things you think are impossible. Everyday, someone is doing it. You are not. But, you should be. There is no greater delight in lif then to achieve something you deemed impossible. To reach that dream.
Keep making impossibles, possible.
I believe in you.
and ps. be nice to eachother.
this is EXCITING!!!!!! Self Magazine really liked my ook at the Britania awards !!! They named me the "Hottest Celeb Look" of the week for my Red Matte Lips! When I put on my red dress I knew that I wanted a fun accessory, but the dress had such a dramatic neckline earrings and necklaces seemed so odd! SO I just put on my favorite red lipstick "firey" made by Stila Cosmetics!
Then SELF MAGAZINE named my look the Best Celebrity look of the weekend which was soooooo exciting!
SOOOOOO of course...I wanted to do a GIVEAWAY of 5 tubes of my favorite lipstick! So all you need to do is...
GO NOW LIPSTICK LOVERS!