Often, rebirth is wasted on new year’s resolutions that we never really follow through on. Each year, we make a promise of what we will be THIS year and try to change a laundry list of things about us, that seems to lose it’s steam around February 1st.
In 16 days, I get to start over. For real.
A whole new name, and a new title. “Mrs.”
When I think back on who Keltie Colleen was, I wish I could run and hide in a hole. The pathetic. late night, passive aggressive blogs, the desperate attempts to find love on tv shows, the ugly crying, the bad hair, the bad outfits, there is so much I regret and so much I would change. But then again, there are parts of her I love. The tenacity to keep going, the girl who could sing you every early Fall Out Boy record from front to back because she listened to it on the subway so much, a list of credits that a “okay” dancer should never have had but someone she did. A world of glitter and sparkles and sore feet that fueled my soul. I liked bits of her too. Obviously, if you are reading this, you liked bits of her too. Maybe the non-perfect of it all, is what you liked.
When I think of what Keltie Knight will be like, I get excited. I’ve felt the change of her coming on in the past 6 months, and it’s been interesting to see all the changes I have been making in preparation to becoming her. When I dream of her, I think she will be confident, a better friend, have more interesting things to Instagram, she will have a house that looks like a magazine, she will work out everyday and have a body she is proud of, she will learn to cook, and host dinner parties, and eat healthy, and do things the right way. But, mostly when I think of her I am excited because I know that even though it’s just a little name change, I am excited about the fresh start that begins with becoming her. I’m excited, to embrace all these changes. And honestly, even though it is a change I want, it is not easy.
It’s odd to feel like some of the things you loved the most, or things you enjoyed do not really fit in your life anymore. I used to be a girl who slept until noon, worked hard for a week and then was off for a week between gigs, and now I am someone who goes to work at 5 am and doesn’t stop, I have just a tiny bit of free time, and so I am impeccable with how I spend it. I have no patience for people who waste that precious time.
I guess, that if you are there or if you are not there, my point is, is that it is never too late to reinvent your life into the life you want, no matter if you get a new name or not. There isn’t a better feeling in the world. It is a beautiful thing to feel like you are making huge steps into becoming the person you want to be. I’m excited to become a “mrs” and I’m excited what that will look like....
what are you reinventing about yourself this summer? leave me a comment below or send me your answer on Twitter:)
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