Last week I had a pretty epic text-a-thon with my friend Jade. She's the sort of magical unicorn I wish all of you could have. Insanely smart + creative, with the self-confidence to just love the things she loves no matter what people think. Anyways, I wanted to blog about a conversation that we had regarding love and dreams and life....
It's like a superhero with too much strength.
I was talking about wishing that I could stop loving people from my past. I'm so happy in my life. I have a great guy. He's my everything, but on fFacebook or whatever, I can't help getting pangs when a past love pops up, no matter from when!
I'm still in love with every boy I've ever loved because they are as grand to me as the ideas I manifested about them that they could never live up to.
you and me, we write better stories and are inspired more than most- we see music and movies and art in a deeper way than other people and draw from that to create a wonderland around us. You can't ever say everything happens for a reason at the beginning of the book before the rest is written, but you can say that at the end once all effects have happened because of something else. The future is the reason of the past, not vice versa. We as humans like to romanticize this idea.
I was talking about how it's a struggle for me in my life to cut people out, even when they have been bad to me, as friends and as lovers. I just care so much, I hate confrontation.
The biggest thing you ever did was to break your own heart and get out and see the world, it's also the greatest move you ever made. You cannot have joy without the pain first.
People like you and I will always be so successful in life while our relationships are totally fucked because our best qualities that make us successful also build us up to thinking we can achieve anything- yet the only thing we can't control is other people.
It's this fucked up cycle, I swear by the secret- but the thing I've never accepted about that concept is that you can't make someone love you the way you want them to.
So... you continue to love and care, and you want someone so bad and you use the same practicies and principles you used to get the gig and the jobs and the opportunites. You envision what you want. You focus on it. You Believe... but unlike the rest of the world, you can't actually change what's happening in someone else's heart, no matter how much you believe it.
People like you and I have to be so careful because our minds and our hearts are so powerful that when something doesn't come out exactly as we wished we will kill ourseleves over the perfect idea that we have created in our heads.
I've loved every boy that ever loved me. Period. And the reality is that I can't convince myself to believe anymore that any scenario will be any different.
What do YOU think? Will you always love your pasts, or do you think you ever really get over that you wouldn't make it "work?" Tell me on my socials below: