I've been expirencing a super weird week, and this super odd feeling and hyper self-awareness that comes with being on television. It's really hard to talk about because, th first thing everyone will say is...please shut up your job is the coolest...and yes of course, I love it. But, I think we ALL, more so women pick on ourselves, on our physical flaws and point out and think about what we can change and manipulate because it is easier to control the outcome and the change is noticeable quicker. It is the easier problem to solve than to have to seek, examine, resolve what is really ailing the soul. It becomes habitual because our culture teaches this to us. It's so bizarre to me that we live in a world where our own reflection becomes our enermy.
My friend Sharon at work had some interesting advice: "I wanted to share with you that when I start feeling hyper-aware or feeling like I need to get super charged about the way I look, i know i am distracting myself from either my goal that isnt going as planned or going as quickly...or i am feeling out of control about another situation there is simply no control to have over ( i remind myself, which is most things in life... except how i choose to perceive) As soon as I start back onto my task or deal with the feeling, I don't feel so fat...or whatever negative feeling I have at that moment. I am not saying I don't do it all anymore because I do--sometimes I catch my behavior quickly, sometimes slower..."
That's so true, have you ever noticed how after a long walk, a good visit with a friend or a great yoga class you feel really "pretty"? And when things are super stressful and terrible, our clothes don't fit and we hate our hair? It's a strange thing. It is stressful when one feels like they are somewhat at the mercy of others opinions. It makes a person start to question themselves.
Sharon also said this to me, which I will NEVER FORGET. "You are in a career spurt and you are also determined to make it happen. There is so much hope, potential, and opportunity buzzing about and I am sure you are concerned about making the right and wrong moves. Stay on target and keep on what YOU want...don't let these notions of feeling like you are less confident for whatever the reason get to you. Surrendering one's security is part of growth and change. Don't confuse the unsettling feeling of growth for de-evolving into a less confident person."
I'm sure that in this new year, all of you have been working hard on new goals and living as greatly as possible. I guess I just wrote this to see if anyone else ever feels this way? Sometimes I hate myself so much that I can barely get out of bed, I isolate myself from my friends and loved ones and I try to hide out until the feeling passes. You?
Let me know on my twitter or instagram. And do not forget that my brand new book "The Imperfections of James and Kate" is now available HERE. (If you really want to know about imperfections...it's a great read.)