a) Fairytale

b)great gastpy 

c) classic bride

LET ME KNOW! so fun! xx

Today was a odd day, I went to work and then to a meeting of sort about a maybe new job someday soon. I drove home wondering why on earth I could possibly be looking for a new job, when it is May and I won’t actually need a new job until Dec. Why I cannot ever just be happy standing in once place, why I have to constantly be pushing, and forcing my fate. I wonder what it is like to just be content in where you are. I have no idea what that is like. I have been hungry for whatever is next since I was 6 years old. I am so fearful of what would happen if I stopped trying, I’m already a never was...sort of living my life, attempting to get people to believe that I am something more than average, when I’m pretty average at everything I do. If I give up now, I could be a has-been, with my better days and more brilliant ideas behind me. Can you imagine living a life where for the next 40 years you are always worse than you used to be? I already feel that way within the dance career that I created for two decades. “What, you didn’t dance with Beyonce THIS year?” well, nothing matters then. It is a terrible feeling. 

My messy point today is: it’s is YOUR life, the stars might never align the way you wish they would, but the only reason you have to be a has-been or a never was, is honestly, lack of determination and hard work. Lack of focus. It is so fun to not care, and not push, and hope for the best and do nothing to make the best happen. Not to mention, a hell of a lot less work. But, I’m not taking chances on my fate, and you shouldn’t either. 

Get up.

Get out. 

Get talking. 

Start creating. 

Start fighting. 

Start believing in whatever little thing lights up your heart. 

No one is going to dream you dreams for you, and surely no one is going to make them come true, 

but you. 

 WHEN I'M IN THE MAKEUP CHAIR AND I REALIZE MY FACE IS MY FACE:  

WHEN I ARRIVE AT WORK AND I CANNOT SEE FAR AWAY DISTANCES + TRYING TO READ THE TELEPROMPTER: 

WHEN MY PRODUCERS SEE MY DAILY OUTFIT FOR THE FIRST TIME: 

WHEN I HEAR ABOUT ANOTHER CRAZY CELEBRITY DOING SOMETHING CRAZY: 

WHEN THE INTERVIEW GOES DRY + I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY: 

WHEN I DO NOT UNDERSTAND:

WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHAT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN KENDALL + KYLIE JENNER IS: 

WHEN SOMEONE TALKS ABOUT JUSTIN BEIBER....AGAIN: 

WHEN THE FEED GOES OUT AND EVERYONE AT WORK LIKES MY SEGMENT! 

WHEN I HAVE TO INTERVIEW SOMEONE SUPER HOT AND CHARMING: 

WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME TO NEVER GET MARRIED + THAT I WON'T EVER BE HAPPY:

I love you Ryan Lochte, I love you so hard. 

"There are all types of genetic DNA that go along with being a female, for so long I felt like I was the only girl on the planet who was build entirely of sensitive, easily hurt feelings, and brain cells,  that were set to make terrible choices against even the most collected inner monologue of logical thoughts. But, when I finally arrived in New York City and began my life as a professional intern to the auditioning process of show business, I realized that New York was not where pretty girls from across the planet went to walk on glittery sidewalks and to become small town newspapers front page stories, it was where girls went to huddle in rooms with a equal number of mirrors to insecurities. It was where peoples bright hopeful eyes came to dim and where big dreamers hearts came to be riddled by the destruction of it all. For me,  It was where my worst fears came to the surface to realize the worst truth that could ever be. 

I just wasn’t that special after all. 

The realization that I wasn’t special was not a surprise. I'm not sure why I believed it could be true. After years of growing up and being treated like a castwaway on an island, or an invisible human, to which my mother and fathers only response was “people in this town are so silly, they just cannot see how special you are...” and so I thought, again totally unrationally,...well, if it’s this town that doesn’t see my special, maybe a city famous for turning the freaks and the beasts into shiny gleaming stars would see my special, and maybe once the city did, I would too.

Only that’s not what happened, everyday I would wake up and all the most beautiful parts of of the things I actually liked about myself, would become less and less. I would feel this incredibly heavy nameless weight place itself on every inch of me. My legs were heavier, my thoughts even more so. I walked along the streets, the subways, looking into every single persons eyes waiting for the moment when they would realize that they were standing next to someone who was special. They never did. 

So I started chasing things. I chased beauty, the outer kind, where no matter how much you get or how much you dye your hair you never actually become any more beautiful. I chased notoriety by becoming famous for doing things like flashing my boobs at a rock show, yelling stories at strangers and puking in my shoes at parties. I started chasing love. Of course, I had no idea what love was. I figured it was something like, you convinced someone that you were desirable and then you spent every waking moment trying to make sure that they didn’t see through your skin to the truth. I would be careless and set alarms for when I was allowed to respond to my loves late night messages. I would say, “I don’t care,” when every part of me, cared. 

I shared a fire escape with a nameless man. We had never met in real life. His window that sat directly across the fire escape from my own, was closed tight. I knew two things about this man.  He constantly smoked pot and had painted the walls of his room black. Tonight, he was not home. I was home. Listening to Ryan Adams, was staring at the wall, and the window, and his black wall. 

I got up from my bed. I opened the window.  I squeezed myself through my window and placed my bare feet on the cold black metal of the fire escape. New York City asaulted me with the regular sounds of city living, people, cars, honking horns and in the distance a ambulance alarm. A city full of people. 12 million people. People who I was convinced didn’t have brains that worked like mine, people who were content to run around Manhattan trying to get into the next best place to be seen, or we equally as content to eat mashed potatoes and never wish for anything but mash potatoes and cable tv. I was neither of those people. I wanted everything. I wanted nothing. I deserved it. I deserved nothing. 

The air was sharp and it invaded my lungs, and threatened to make me go back inside. It was the middle of winter. The middle of huge jackets, and snow boots and never being able to get a cab.  It was the time of the year I spent a good chunk of my day seeing my breath as I waited for the next 2 train to take me down to whatever audition I was going to go to in order to be rejected yet again. Rejected for being to much like myself. Rejected and existing in the world that screams at us to “be yourself”  but doesn’t want you when you are. 

The sky was perfectly clear, and the stars and the moon and the planes flying overhead were closer than they seemed. I was a tiny micro-being in a giant vast universe and I hated it. I wanted to be something. I fought to be something. I was stardust and dinosaur remains. I was meaningless." 

Thoughts? xx

Bombs, explosions and gun-fire made up for most of our week. At every turn more bad news, and lost lives.

This week is not about me, and I'm not trying to make it that way. But, I think we can all relate to the fact that, when bad things happen we sit up and take a really clear look at our own lives. It's almost like a quick shock back into the things that truely matter, when we get caught up in the small details of our own personal wants and needs.

For me, this week, one question kept rolling around in my mind. Why do we make sure an effort to be GOOD when there is so much BAD? 

You all know what I mean. How can we continue on an humans, with a strong moral compass and need to do the "right" thing, when it seems like all the "rights" in the world can never defeat the injustice of the wrongs. Innocent people died this week, I would guess that most of them spend their lives being awesome humans. 

I stuggle with this.

Why do I pay my bills on time, say please and thank you, do the "right" thing? Why do I not go buy a gun and shoot the people who really piss me off? Why do I not steal, and cheat? Why do I put forth my frustration with life with some semblance of grace? 

When in the end? Does it really matter?

Will the bad guys always win?

All I know is this: There is a small percentage of really messed up, bad guys out there, and in times like these our job isn't to cut ourselves off from the bad. It is to imbrace it. We need to all take a personal responsibilty, and need to send more love and understanding into the world.

Yes, the bad guys are bad.

But why?

We all were born innocent into this magical world, so what causes an innocent child to grow up to be someone who puts bombs in trash cans? 

Our job in this planet is to make sure the power of our good is being used every single day. That we show love to every creature and human, with added love to those we do not understand or that are outsiders. We have to love, accept and thrive in this world of differences. So, that when the next generation of children are growing up on this planet, that they could never imagine feeling the amount of rage and hopelessness that these criminals must feel inside them. 

I believe people are born good, and that the world turns them bad. So, it's time we all stand up and take responsibilty of how we treat others, in the world and in our direct lives. Maybe we all feel powerless, but maybe with enough love and hope we have the power to prevent the terrible hatred that exists in the world. 

We have to be good, when the world is bad- because our goodness is the most powerful force we have. This is not a wake up call to tell your family that you love them, and to have stronger security at marathons- this is a wake-up call to our entire PLANET, that we have to start loving eachother. This hatred and negative energy will be the death of our species. I truly believe that. 

How are you guys feeling? Leave your comments below. xx

MY ROUTINE: 

First off: I eat totally healthy and AMAZING skin comes from within. Tons of greens and I stay away from refine sugars and coffee. (when I need a sweet I choose dark chocolate, which is actually GOOD for skin.) Also, many girls who have acne have their nasty hormones to blame, I take birth control to help combat this, but you can also take Zinc Liver Chelate. 

This is my recipe for an AMAZING at home facial that will leave your face PERFECT-o.

#1- Wash you face normally with a clarisonic tool.

#2- Apply the Keihl's Microdermabrasion and scrub like a mad fool for at least 3 minutes. I mean, get crazy, think "personal sandpaper" sometimes I scrub so hard it burns a little. :) Rinse. 

#3- Apply the Bliss Rubber Mask using a stick. It's crazy goopy, and will dry on your face like a weird rubber mask and then you have to pull it off, which I find to be sort of fun. 

#4- Apply a thick layer of Kate Somerville's Enyzme mask. It's green and looks totally gross, but it basically eats away at your skin using enyzmes, and that sounds gross but is totally awesome. (warning: this mask BURNS when you put it on, it is supposed to...it's burning off your scars, zits, old skin and wrinkles.) 

#5- Rinse face and apply a giant glob of La Mer all over your face and neck. Yes, La Mer is stupidly expensive, but I have never found any item that is MORE worth it. It is your FACE! It's all you have. I'm okay with spending the money...(and if not...go score a sample from the counter...weekly.) 

#6- Apply keihl's Cucumber Eye treatment around your eyes. I like to use so much of this product that it sits on top of my skin in it's green color, and then I just let it SINK into my eyes. IT's magical.

A FEW EXTRA TIPS: 

-WEAR SUNSCREEN. (I stopped going in the sun in 2004.)

-Get IPL photofacials every 6 months. They burn off all your old pigment and scars and totally work. 

-If you are over the age of 30, a teenie, tiny pinch of botox in your forehead will work wonders ;) 

I hope this helps some of you. Let me know what products you love in the comments below, esp. if you have any less $$$$ options that others should know about! 

xx

I'm no expert, but here are my core values for creating success in your life. ***Use them at your own risk. 

#1- Do something you love. Don't do something for the money, recognition, fame, free shoes. Lots of people are going to tell you to take the "safe route" or pick something else. Working, even on something you love, is less fun than eating pizza with your friends while watching "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" so make sure you are doing something you love.

#2-Be smarter than everyone else, or at least, as smart as you can possible be. Ask questions, read books, learn shit. Learn everything. When I started my blog, I learned to code. Next I read books and the "tech" part of Huffington post so I would know about new media as soon as I could. I learned about SEO, and GOOGLE TRENDS, and Photoshop. (my blog, this one right here, is pretty darn successful AND it goes back to rule #1- I love blogging, I blog because I love it.) Recently, I took a meeting with a fancy-pants TV producer man, and the conversation fell into allowing me to spit out my idea of how my generation will watch tv in 10 years and what networks need to do right now in order to make sure that the internet doesn't eat everything. I literally watched his brains turned to mush. I either scared this man, or I left his office and he thought "damn, that girl knows her shit." I don't care about scaring people, ps. 

#3-RESEARCH. Before every audition, each interview, any meeting. STALK ideas, people, your competitors online. Find your future boss on Linkedin, or twitter, know what you are dealing with. Figure out if your love of unicorns will scare them. 

#4-Be prepared to answer this questions "So, tell me about you?" and have an answer that is so short, and fierce and profound that who ever asked it wants more.

#5-IF no one wants to help you, help yourself. Remember that time no one wanted to publish my book? I didn't care. I had a stack of rejection letters and I did it myself anyway (with some help, of course) We live in the day and age where every single thing we need is DIY. Go create whatever it is that makes your heart bleed.

#6- Work harder than anyone else. Sometimes when you go on tumblr and twitter- you see many people who seem to be really cool, and always hanging around at parties and "being cool." Cool doesn't last, and also, being cool doesn't actually give you a paycheck, which is the reason you never see me "hanging out" I don't hang. I work. The most successful people do not have time for "lunches" and "parties" everyday because they are working. Make sure that is you.

#7- BE NICE TO PEOPLE. You guys, I cannot tell you how many times I have met, heard about, or worked with someone that was JUST awful. People notice this stuff. Be easy to work with, ask for what you are worth but do not expect anyone to treat, or pay you like you are the only person in the world that could do what you do (unless you are Steve Jobs, Madonna, or God) Be easy-going. Say yes, even when it totally sucks to say yes. 

#8- Have clear ideas in your mind for what you want to create. Many people will say, I want to do music, I want to dance, I want to host, I want to write, I want to teach. Way too general. Decide what you really want to create and say it to everyone you can. "I want to move to Nashville and play bass in a touring band." Whenever you go into meetings, lay out a super clear vision of who you are and what you could do for the other person. Also, GET TO IT. So many people have so many ideas, and the successful ones are the ones who actually just start DOING something. DO!

#9- Ask for less money that you actually want. We all like to think we are super special one of a kind beings who should get paid 250,000 a year to just roll out of bed.. I do too. But, money matters to businesses, and there is most likely, someone who can and will do the job for less. Be that guy, at the start and then land that chance to impress everyone. 

#10- Look fucking awesome. I know, it's totally vain. But guess what, the world, is totally vain too. That is why people spend billions of dollars every year on clothes, and creams and fancy hair-do's. People like people that look good. Rock on with your signature style, and awesome self. Work out, eat right, dress cute. (Wear one of those big Victoria Secret adding 3 cups bras if you need to, I have.) It's totally gross and vain and terrible and it's the way the world works. 

#11- Send thank you notes. 

So, I hope this helps you. Let me know what you are working towards in the comments below, I'm interested in knowing what my readers are creating! 

I also love my FREE PEOPLE tribal inspired long cardigan because it has a hood for when i get cold, and serves as a blanket to lay on if I need it. There are a few other essentials too- sunscreen, lipbalm, band-aids, gum, a few magazines to read while laying around listening to bands, water and of course some Red Bull (I prefer the new Red Edition Cranberry flavor to keep me going all day.)

Who are you guys excited to see play at festivals this year? What will you be wearing?

xx